Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Justice must be done.

It seems we have a rapist seal out there on the ice pack. After reading this article on a seal 'raping' a penguin two hundred social workers from all over the UK flew out to rectify the situation.

The penguin, although it looked uninjured, was clearly in shock and was in desperate need of counseling. Unfortunately as we approached it raced away across the ice into the sea and was eaten by a killer whale. One social worker said that it was clear from it's suicidal dash that it was more traumatised than it appeared. The social worker who was closest said 'All I said was 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help you' when it jumped up squawking and wobbled it's way across the ice directly away from us as fast as it could hop from one little leg to the other'.

Although no other penguins were attacked each one was taken aside for counselling and twenty two baby penguins were removed because the parent penguins were suspected of abusing their chicks or allowing others to abuse them. 'It's a temporary measure until we can find suitable foster penguins' said one of the other social workers. 'It's for the chicks' was the response when one penguin caused a ruckus. 'I'm suspicious of that one. He clearly could not care about the chicks.' said one of the social workers carrying a day old chick. It was decided to take his chick as well.

The remainder of the social workers, escorted by armed police, went in search of the seal. 'Justice must be done and be seen to be done' said PC Plod as he prepared his HK MP5 machine gun. Several seals were shot because they appeared to be armed with something as the search went on for the suspect seal. 'It appears to be some form of cult' claimed one officer. 'You need to be very careful. Those flippers can hide an Uzi or Shotgun easily so we can't take chances'. Unfortunately things went horribly wrong when a hole where the seals and his family which was identified by a seal, 'persuaded by the new techniques available to the Police, was found to be occupied by a family of Polar bears. As ten of the social workers were ripped apart the Police were powerless as the lead bear, a powerful 10ft tall animal, identified as Fluffy the Polar bear who was returned to the wild two years ago. 'It's a protected species' shouted a Greenie as the animals gorged on social worker sushi. The three bears, nicknamed, Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear after the bowls they used in the feast soon retired and could be heard being violently sick ten minutes later. The Greenie suspect that the social workers were too bitter for the palates of the bears but was pleased that Fluffy, aka Daddy Bear, was still using the bowls he was presented with as a leaving present and had passed on the skills. He explained his two friends had been eaten by the bears and seemed to be palatable enough. It shows our diet is right he claimed as he passed wind again. 'What?' he said as everyone left the warm tent to walk outside for five minutes.

The team, and the Greenie, returned to the UK vowing to track down the seal and are proposing a Seal DNA DB to help in the task. Plod of course claimed that CCTV cameras on the ice would have helped them get an arrest and it was liberals who stopped that. The RAF had to write off the C130 after the 8 hours the Greenie on board. The crew are in medical recovering' 'I've carried nuclear waste, chemical and biological weapons but nothing was close to that' said an RAF decontamination squad leader. 'The Geneva conventions stops us dropping him on Afghanistan but he could save many, many lives' claimed the MoD comparing him to the flight of the Enola Gay.

Footnote : We are sad to report that all the baby penguins died after they were released into the wild and were eaten by bears, wolves and seals. 'I don't understand' claimed one scientist 'We release all our animals here and just slide them down that little slide to the ice floe.' When the social workers were informed a spokesperson said 'Well better than living a life of fear and abuse with their families. My job is done.'


At 2:02 am, Blogger UBERMOUTH said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 2:20 pm, Blogger Bag said...

You can tell I was in a strange mood when I wrote this. I bet this 'rape' happens all the time in the wild. Animals, which we are as well, have certain instincts that laws will not override.


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