Bag's Rants

Peak oil is back on the agenda.

Via Tim Worstall, we see in this article that the BNP is the political party most concerned about Peak Oil. I left a comment on Tim's site but thought the concept of the BNP having policies was worth exploring so I decided to expand on the comment I left there. Although, to be honest, I never actually knew the BNP actually had policies. Just goes to show even in politics you can be surprised.

Anyway,

I see the BNP with a high score in peak oil because the BNP has hardly any real policies.
1) Kicking every non UK person out of the UK.
2) Keeping their leaders out of prison.
3) Err..... Anyone think of anything else?

I can see it now.

Location : BNP command HQ. (A cafe in Barnsley. Location : Classified. Shouldn't be too hard to find as it's run by a white guy.)
Attendees : BNP high command, Big Jim the cafe proprietor, Doris the tea lady and twenty two undercover reporters.
Scene : One guy poring over a form to submit his party to a new political web site with what the party is about, it's key policies and it's membership. The others watch with interest and he struggles over some of the big words.

BNP 1: 'Guys, it says here what is your parties top policies?' ' I've got two but what can we put down as the third?'
BNP 2: 'What have the other parties got for their policies?'
So they all start looking on the web and in the papers for some policies.
BNP 1: 'How about this one on id cards?' They all shake their heads.
BNP 3, 4, 5 & 6: 'Nope. I've spent my life keeping off police databases.' They all agree.
BNP 5: 'How about this one on single mums and social?' Fists are raised, tattooed muscles ripple and several expletives are cast around and that was just Doris. The others nodded and a lone voice, BNP 4, says 'Does that mean I have to support all my kids mothers?' They look in horror. BNP 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 7 say 'Nope not that one either.'
Finally they have looked everywhere but no one has a policy on rounding muslims up and sticking them in camps like the US or even kicking them around a bit. They sit around for a bit.
Finally, BNP 3 says 'I come across something called peak oil. It's on that clown Camerons policies at 10,001.' 'I've been to the Peak District once.' says BNP 1. Nods all around. 'Yes. So have I' 'Nice place reminds me of the moors around here.' 'Plenty of places to hide the bod.... err... Some nice camping spots.' They all nod.
'OK. That's it then. Policy no 3. Peak oil' 'Now we can let Scotland keep theirs. We have plenty here for us and we can get rid of having to put up with the Middle East' 'Hooray!' they all cry.

BNP 1 starts filling in the third policy. A cry of despair escapes his lips as he opens up the form. The others look at him. He screams 'It's not three. They want five policies' 'It's a top five list'. They look at him stunned then 'Bugger that!' says Doris. 'I'm off home it's nearly time for Jeremy Kyle. My brother is on today.' There are nods all around and one by one they shuffle out until all that is left is the proprietor, twenty two journalists and a barely completed form.

'Mmmm' says one of the journalists 'Let's fill in four and five and then get back for our next expose of the BNP.' They all nod. 'I could do with a cuppa though' says another. They all nod and look at the owner. He says 'Come on lads' I'm off to see Jeremy Kyle myself.' 'My brother is on today as well.' 'Talk about coincidence. It's that special on the number of guys who turn gay in prison.'

The journalists wander off to make something up for publishing in the sunday tabloids and the cafe owner closes his shop. He picks up the form and drops it in the bin, picks up the cup's and plates and wanders to the kitchen. Fade to black.

posted by Bag @ 1:44 pm