Monday, November 20, 2006

Advice to the Homeless. Get nicked.

I know that having a criminal record can be viewed as a stigma. However with the new services being made available at your local nick you can live a life of luxury. Read here.

Then after spending the freezing winter in a virtual paradise you can use the prison 'find a job' service to get you a nice job which you would have no chance of getting if you were on the outside.

I would suggest the offence is something to do with drugs. Not too much as drug dealers are seen as sleazy while nobody on the outside actually considers drug possession a real offence and yet it's one of the few offences our government will put you in jail for. You can even claim you are a victim of the evil drug. Plus, even very respectable people are being nicked, jailed or cautioned for lots of reasons including drugs. So you will look bohemian. So win win all round.

But, be careful. Not all areas are the same so you may need to relocate before you get nicked. I understand that some prisons actually think they are there as a form of punishment so make sure you are not caught up with one of them. Although won't be long before Cherie gets all lawyered up and fixes it so they are all the same and you can get your feet, and other parts, rubbed all paid for by the taxpayer.

At least it explains why prisons cost so much to build. I used to think brick walls and doors with bars. I never considered the the cost of the infrastructure such as TVs, DVDs, telecoms etc. Shows how stupid I am.

As an aside. I was interested in the phrase "Contact with families can help reduce reoffending.". How does that work? Being locked up does that. When they get out they can phone their family any time they want so why should it make a difference when they are in the nick. Surely it would make them want to keep from going back. I must have a weird sense of judgement. I don't want to be separated from my freedom, which includes speaking to the family, so I don't go to prison. Yet, it seems people that speak to them in prison are less likely to go back which is the implication. I just don't get it. I bet the next time Mirza Tahir Hussain gets an invitation to a wedding in Pakistan he returns a note saying 'Love to come but unfortunately I can't make it at that time.' He won't want to go back. Now there is behavioral modification we could do with in UK prisons.


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