Bag's Rants

Career politicians are born not made.

Career politicians are born not made. It's the only way we can explain the sudden surge of totally useless politicians all over the place. People who have never held a decent job in the marketplace, have no idea about anything except politics and yet seem to aspire to be our masters. It seems that people that do know what they are doing don't seem to want to enter politics. Only those with a inflated sense of self worth go into it voluntarily. In the olden days they died at a young age when they got the crap beaten out of them or the poorer ones went into marketing or public service. The richer ones just leeched off their rich parents until they died and then lived off the money until they died. Society nowadays dilutes the gene pool by keeping these people alive so they can enter politics, if their self worth is off the scale and they can lie well enough, or the public sector if they can't.

It also seems like every career politician knows what to do from day one. Very few silly mistakes lately. It seems like they have a manual with all the tricks in. So there must be a course or something. I can imagine the blurb now;

How to be a Politician

Contains;

How to lie like a professional politician - Convince yourself it is the truth.
Public speaking - How to talk for ten minutes and not say anything.
Avoiding direct questions - Off on a tangent.
How to ignore facts - Don't learn any.
How to stay the right side of the law - Don't document anything.
Covering your arse - It's always someone else's fault.
Accountancy for politicians - 1+1 does not always come to 2.
How to get on - It only takes one slip up, Ass kissing for go getters.
Who to suck up to - Recognise the right buttocks to grip.
How to blame someone else - Five easy steps for a fall guy.
How to get the public on your side - It's all in the smile and posture.
How to appear sincere - Three easy tricks you could learn in an hour.
How to pretend to like people - No need to change they will want to like you.
These and more will be at your fingertips and be ready for your climb to power.

Entry level requirements are no soul, no conscience, little common sense, little knowledge, an inflated opinion of yourself and a natural ability to lie.

Soon you too could be out there earning money for nothing. No skills required. It's like being self employed but without the risk. Not getting paid enough, vote yourself a raise. You don't even have to turn up to claim your salary. Perks include parties at rich business men's homes, free travel, free holiday accommodation and more days off than you can count. Get away with most crimes and get protection by the UK's finest. Safe working environment with unlimited potential for abuse.

Brought to you by the same company that trains door to door salesmen and car salesmen.
Fees £7,500 + VAT. Money refunded on receipt of a peerage.
Cashback available on every training course of more than twenty people set up by you in your government role.

Alternative courses:
'How to make it in local government'. Entry level is no soul or conscience.
'How to be PM'. Entry level, 'How to be a Politician', married,children and messiah complex.
'How to be a Chief Constable'. Entry level any two O levels or GCSE's. No police experience and H&S experience preferred.

posted by Bag @ 5:04 pm